Its been about a week now that I've been having contractions everyday. A few hours ago they had gotten down to every 2-4 minutes! They stayed that way for over an hour and then all of a sudden changed to 10 minutes apart! Its like my body just said never mind. I had gotten my hopes up and though I said I was trusting the Lord and waiting on His timing. I just knew His timing was then. Guess I was wrong because here I am with very infrequent contractions.
My OB is really supportive of natural birth so they don't even want me to think about coming in until I'm ready to push. I wanted that but I guess since this is my first time going into labor naturally I need some sort of reassurance. I know I'll eventually have no doubts about if I'm in labor, but I'm just so impatient. I need something to hold onto to give me comfort yet all the Bible verses others have given me haven't helped. I KNOW that the Lord has this all under control I just wish He would let me in on His plans. I'm really no good with surprises...
I am really glad though that my husband is so supportive. He knows I'm going through a lot emotionally and he tries to find the right things to say. And that's no easy task, I'm very difficult to encourage when I get to feeling down. This pregnancy has been a real roller coaster ride. I guess that's to be expected with all the circumstances surrounding it.
I really shouldn't even be thinking about having this baby yet, seeing as I'm only 37 weeks. But with all the contractions and discomfort it seemed likely. I think I'm just going to have to get it stuck in my head that this baby will not be here before she's ready and that she probably won't be ready until January. I long to see her and I will soon enough. So this is the start of me enjoying the end of this pregnancy! I'm going to document the last leg of this journey and hopefully find ways to keep my spirits up while the Lord strengthens me and prepares me for what's ahead....
(written 12/24/10)
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